Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
