good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
