I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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