He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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