Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
