I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
