we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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