No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
