I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
