I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
