i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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