Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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