Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
