Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
