if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
