are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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