Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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