So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
