two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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