I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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