Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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