I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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