last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
