Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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