I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Please don't give away my fajitas
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
