please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
