just tell him i said nine months
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
