I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
