My balls are so social today.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
