If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
