It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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