i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
