Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
