Why are handjobs necessary in class?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
