I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
