Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
