i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
