i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
