When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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