I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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