All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
