I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
