I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
