Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
