Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
