Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
