So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
