I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
