A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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