Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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